Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Constipation by words


It normally is very healthy to eat fruit. In fact, it is much recommended here and there… moms of all times have had their little struggles here and there with their kids tough, but still, it is a good thing to do.

However, eating too much could be not so positive. When you have too many apples, for example, you might have either an indigestion issue, and afterwards hate them for ever on, or you could have a more or less severe case of constipation for which we kindly decline to comment further.

Difficult to say, in any case, how many apples represent the limit that separates a healthy diet from a traffic issue in the belly.

For instance, if we go back in History to the first documented case of issues around apples, we can see that it took just one bite for Eve and Adam to release the wrath of God and have them fired from the Garden of Eden. I guess that after having seen the results, they would indeed have chosen constipation rather than having to find a new home. Incidentally, we must add, that’s the moment when Evil probably invented mortgages, so Adam and Eve could afford housing for the large family they were supposed to deliver afterwards; at the end of they day, they had been expelled from Paradise with no stock options they could cash-in, and just with a little powerpoint slideset in the shape of a tree leave to cover their nakedness. Poor fools; the snake came around teling them that if they bit the apple, they would be like Larry Ellison, above Good and Evil…

To others, it takes quite many more apples to get severe issues.It looks as if after millions of them, Evil succeeded in making Steve Jobs believe he was like the Almighty, with power on life and death.

Dead on arrival they are, he claimed, like the Pope launching a Crusade (“Deus le volt”, Latin scholars may recall. ie, “God wills it”). The War Cry.

(in order to better play God, we believe the guy’s chief marketing officer should advise him to let his beards grow a bit longer)

An excess of self pride was the very reason for the Fallen Angel to break apart with God and pretend to corrupt God’s creation from the beginning by making Eve and Adam take the bit and the “byte”. Have too many apples driven you, dear Steve, the same direction?

Let the market decide. And make the most of it while you can. If Apples are so healthy (not only to your personal fortune, by the way), don’t you think that people will eat less berries, whether they are blue, red or black?

Great marketing stuff, all these stories about leading the market, creating the future, inventing tomorrow, blablabla. But it is just that: An enormous bluff that just sets the environment of choices for end users to select what fits them most.

In the US it is said that Ronald Reagan won the 1980 elections because he was running against Jimmy Carter; had he been running alone, he would have lost. This basically meant that it was not Reagan winning, but more about Jimmy Carter having screwed up all by himself. Be more elegant, and do not give in to the arrogance of basing your success in removing the credit of others that are not necessarily doing a bad job, Jobs.You have already got quite a number of things to be proud of. You do not need to insult the millions of smartphone, tablets, PCs, notebooks and mp3 players users who have not yet been lucky or intelligent enough to fall under the apple spell. You might want to keep in mind that insulting is the privilege of the oracle, and he might sue you if he feels you are competing against him (unofficial rumors say that he once sued himself for not having insulted a taxi driver in a compliant way).

Not to mention that given your relatively recent medical record, you should actively be very careful with your diet. Too many apples may cause indigestion or constipation… but having to eat your own words might even kill you.